Let’s talk about chasing boys. Typically, a fun pastime especially if the boy being chased likes you back. And by boy, I mean age appropriate guys near my own age. I’ve had some of the best times in my life during the fun and flirty stage of dating. I’ve done my fair share of chasing guys, and caught a few good ones. (Friends, there’s no need for you to comment!)
I caught a few bad ones as well. I always had a gut reaction to walk away early on from the “BAD” catches and it took me three times of proceeding anyway before I learned to trust my gut (intuition ladies!). Have you noticed when people talk about intuition, they say WOMEN’S INTUITION, because we’re the ones who have it. The “BAD” guys taught me painful lessons about myself. I highlight bad because these guys were bad for me, but they may have been great for other women. Love does amazing things to our behavior.
The bad ones are easy to spot because they: don’t do what they say, don’t make themselves available, and their actions (or lack thereof) speak louder than their words. Obviously, I’m writing about guys, but this applies to women as well. When I first saw the movie 'He’s Just Not That Into You’ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-marie-jenkins/why-women-dont-recognize-_b_11705780.html
WOW, it hurt. I realized these bad guys just weren’t into me. Did any of these bad guys let me know they weren’t interested? Nope.
Most people are too scared to tell you how they really feel. So, if the guy is ghosting you, contacting you only at 2 am, stringing you along and so on, MOVE ON, he’s just not that into you. Don’t think about why, it doesn’t matter. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. In summary, if a guy is interested, you will know, there is no second guessing. If you have to second guess, then he is not interested.
The real crux about the need to chase boys is loving yourself. In the words of self-help guru Louise Hay, “If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works”.
You don’t put up with bad guys if you love yourself. Unfortunately, I learn everything the hard way. I can be VERY focused if it’s something I want. God help you, if it’s you. In other dysfunctional behavior I noticed about myself: I wanted the boy to love me, but I didn’t really think about if I wanted them (or didn’t think about it ENOUGH). If Dad didn’t love me; I compensated with boyfriends who did.
In a previous blog, I had mentioned I didn’t seek my father’s love or affection, and I still think it’s true. I did look for the affection elsewhere. I can remember having a boyfriend in 2nd grade. Our togetherness mostly entailed playing on the playground. For most of my single life, I had a boyfriend. The habit of always having SOMEONE is not just for girls. Guys do this too. I know several guys who always had girlfriends and wouldn’t break up with them until they had another one lined up. This behavior applies to guys and girls.
What point am I trying to make? Think about yourself first. What do you want? What do you like? Most importantly LIKE and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. I’ve struggled with truly loving and accepting myself. It shouldn’t be hard, but it is. I do like myself, but love has been allusive. Loving yourself is going to require some work on your part, and I’m right there with you. I’m working on this by reading books related to the topic such as, “YOU are a BADASS”, by Jen Sincero. It’s an awesome, funny read and makes sense! As I look at the author’s name I’m wondering if she changed it. Sincero? She’s sincere, I get it.
Anyway, I also meditate daily as I may have mentioned which is critical to being self-aware. Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for your happiness. If I haven’t annoyed the crap out of you so far, I’ll continue to make suggestions for how we can achieve it.